...

Hi. How are you?

do you really want to know?

Well, why would I ask if I didn't want to know?

it's called being polite. I've heard of it.

You've only heard of it? You don't experience it every day?

probably not the same way you do.

Well... why not?

i don't know.

Oh... Ok... So... How are you?

you've already asked me that.

You never answered.

why should you care how i am? if i was depressed, would you really want to know? or would you rather hear 'no, i'm fine.' even if its a complete lie? if i was depressed and had thoughts of suicide, would you want to know? why is it any of your business anyway? who the fuck are you to pry into my life?

... I... You're not seriously thinking those kinds of thoughts are you? I mean, even if you were, I would still want to know.

why?

Maybe I could help you somehow.

help how? 'There there, everything will be ok. This is just a phase.' not likely.

You're not really thinking like that, are you?

its none of your business if i am. theres no way you could help if i was, anyway.

You don't know that!

um... yah, i do. you're the kind of person i would avoid usually.

You're not avoiding me now. We're having a conversation.

yah, and its sick and kinda fucked up. 'are you depressed? is there anything i can do?' you know what i would say to you if you said that to me?

No, what?

fuck off. and maybe i would spit at you before walking away.

...

yah, that's right. you don't have anything to say to that, do you?

No, I don't.

jeez, i didn't think i'd make you cry.

I'm not crying. I'm sad because-

you pity me. 'what a sad existence' or something like that right? Right?

Something like that.

i don't like pity.

I can't help how I feel.

neither can i.

Are you always this cold to people?

no. usually i'm a lot meaner.

Is this you being nice?

i don't do nice. this is me being sociable.

So really... How are you?

we've had this conversation before...

****

So... yah. i dunno what that was about. it just popped into my head.

i had a great long weekend! spent time with the fam, got drunk, ate good food... man, that's the life.

Monday was great too. Karnie's 19th birthday (finally!)

Actually, first it was Ryan's hockey game. That was fun. Talked with Jen about all sorts of stuff. She's cool. I like her.

Then we went to Silver City to meet up with Karnie and Kiki and met some new friends!! then we all went to BP cuz they were open and we wanted to drink!

Parker, Lee, Jared and Alex!! Those are our new friends! I can't wait to hang out with them again!

um... yah. Clubbing on the 15th (Girls only!!) then the KKK Party!! (That's kyle, kiki and Karen, btw) Woop Woop!

Can't drink to much on the 16th though. got early morning shift at work...

So, as of right now, I have 4 back-ups in place.

1) Greg - He's prolly gonna fall in love sometime and get married and live happily ever after (the bastard)

2) Steve - He'll prolly back out at some point. Plus, we might kill each other despite getting along most of the time.

3) Jake - He won't marry me. I'm almost sure of that. He doesn't love me. He'll back out too.

4) Richard - Um.. he hates me and wants me dead.

But its ok. Because I have another back-up plan!! If my back-ups don't want to marry me, I have another plan!!

1) Be Crazy Cat Lady.

After being rejected by my4 back ups (the list might get longer), I'll have reason to go crazy. I will then by cats. Many, many cats. Some will be actual pets while the others will be trained to live in a cloth bag that is kept by my side, and learn to be cat torpedos that fly through the air, latch on to the person who comes near my house, and attack.

2) Be Crazy Snake Lady.

If the cats reject me, I plan to have the same plan as above, but with snakes.

3) Be Crazy Monkey Lady

If the snakes reject me, its the Cat Lady plan, except with monkeys.

4) Be Crazy Bear Lady

If the monkeys reject me, take the Cat Lady plan, change 'cloth bag' with 'catapult' and that's about it.

And if that fails as well (as in, not only do the men reject me, but so do the animals), I will committ suicide. Cuz really, if not only 4 guys reject me, but 4 animals... c'mon. what's the point in living?? besides chocolate?

mmm... chocolate....

So yah. When I'm about 40ish (age may change with time), and I'm single, this is my grand plan.

Isnt' it great?